Gerenukism

The main Brugarian religion, or Gerenukism, is a polytheistic religion based on the teachings of The Gerebook. Gerenukism is the official religion of the country of Brugaria. All Brugarians must believe that the gerenuk is the highest life form that graces the earth with its presence, and that there are the Five Main Hats, or gerenuk gods.

The foundations of Gerenukism theology are expresses in their various creeds. These creeds state that the gerenuk was the first life form on the land of Pangea, it is the highest form of life one can ascend to after reincarnation, and that the Five Main Hats will come again the day Pangea is reformed. When the Five Main Hats come down to the recreated Pangea, the only creatures that will be allowed to live are gerenuks. This is why is it of utmost importance to a Brugarian to live their life as similar to a gerenuk as possible so that they might be reincarnated as one for all their future lives on earth.

The Gerenuks
There are a plethora of gods, all of them gerenuks, that the Gerenukists worship. The best way to distinguish between the various gods is by the hats that they wear upon their head.

The goal of a Gerenukist is to become as close to a gerenuk, the highest life form, as possible. Gerenukists believe that if they spend their entire life imitating the gerenuk, in as respectful a way as possible, they may reincarnate as a gerenuk in their next life. More on this can be found in the Afterlife section.

Beliefs
All Brugarians are Gerenukists and they all share the same beliefs that they hold essential to their faith in the gerenuk.

Creeds
Concise doctrinal statements or confessions of religious beliefs are known as creeds (from Latin credo, meaning "I believe"). Those of the Gerenukism faith have three main creeds: The Ash Ketchum Creed (based on Ash Ketchum Hat), The Pangea Creed, and The Gibberish Creed.

The Ash Ketchum Creed is more of a narrative of the Gerenukism creation story, and how everything came to be. There are, however, a few main points in the Ash Ketchum Creed: The Pangea Creed is a statement of what Pangea was once like, which is now used to figure out how Pangea should be like when the Gerenukists recreate it in the future. The original document was lost during The Great War. A few of the key points, however, have been spread down from generation to generation orally. It is in this way that the Gerenukists know, vaguely, how Pangea should be like after its recreation.
 * In the beginning the whole universe was filled with a bunch of wild monkeys playing various brass instruments (tubas, trombones, trumpets, etc.)
 * Ash Ketchum Hat travelled the entire universe for thousands of years in hopes of catching all of the wild monkeys. He captured 150 of the 151 large groups of wild monkeys, but gave up in trying to catch the last one.
 * With the wild monkeys that Ash Ketchum Hat did catch, he squished them and formed the gerenuk based on his own gerenukist self.
 * Ash Ketchum Hat then formed Pangea and placed his newly formed gerenuks to roam.

The Gibberish Creed is mostly just a bunch of gibberish. An old Brugarian prophet of the Gerenukists claims to have overheard a conversation between the Five Main Hats. Before he was able to recite what he had heard, he got into a terrible accident and lost his tongue. The other Gerenukists still thought it was important to know the information that the old prophet had heard, even if they would never be able to understand it. Over time the document became more influential to the faith and was turned into a creed.

Main article: Five Main Hats
There are hundreds of gods, each with a different hat. However, there are the five main gerenuk gods.

Ash Ketchum Hat - The Gerenuk that wears the Ash Ketchum Hat is the main god, much like Zeus is to Greek Mythology. Brugarians believe that Ash Ketchum Hat created the entire universe and earth. He created the earth in the Pangea state. Ever since the earth split off into various continents, the goal of Gerenukists is to bring the world back into its orginal state, Pangea.

Lucky Charm Hat - The Gerenuk that wears the Lucky Charm Hat is the goddess of love. The Lucky Charm Hat is the wife of the Ash Ketchum Hat. Together they gave birth to two sons, Russian Hat and Beanie Hat, and one daughter, Pillow Hat.

Russian Hat - The Gerenuk that wears the Russian Hat is the god of both food and drink. Russian Hat is the frist born son of Ash Ketchum Hat and Lucky Charm Hat. He is favored by his father, and is often in quarrels with his younger brother, Beanie Hat.

Beanie Hat -The Gerenuk that wears the Beanie Hat is the god of fun and merriment. Beanie Hat is the second born, and therefore the middle child, of Ash Ketchum Hat and Lucky Charm Hat. He is favored by his mother, and is constantly pranking his older brother, Russian Hat.

Pillow Hat - The Gerenuk that wears the Pillow Hat is the goddess of sleep and dreams. Pillow Hat is the sole daughter of Ash Ketchum Hat and Lucky Charm Hat, and is the third child of the family. Pillow Hat often likes to team up with Beanie Hat and prank Russian Hat, although Pillow Hat often likes to distort Russian Hat's dreams as a form of pranking. Her main form of communication to the Brugarians in through their dreams.

Other Hats
Sherlock Holmes Hat - The Gerenuk that wears the Sherlock Holmes Hat is the god of mystery and confusion.

Daniel Boone's Coonskin Hat - The Gerenuk that wears the Daniel Boone's Coonskin Hat is the god of the hunt.

Afterlife
After a Gerenukist dies, they believe that they will ascend into the sky, or the realm of the gods. When they first appear in this realm they believe that they will be standing in the middle of a very large forest. This is considered the first test. The Gerenukist has a maximum of seven days to finid their way out of the forest. If the Gerenukist fails to find their way out of the forest, they will reincarnate as a human once again. If the Gerenukist somehow manages to find their way out of the forest, they will find themselves in the Court of The Five Main Hats.

It is here that the Gerenukist will stand in front of a panel of judges, the Five Main Hats, and will be judged on their life. The judging can last anywhere from a couple seconds to a few days. The Five Main Hats will look at the Gerenukist's life one day at a time and determine whether or not they tried to be as similar to a gerenuk as possible. There are three possible outcomes to the judging.

Outcome 1
The first outcome is that the Five Main Hats will deem the Gerenukist as worthy and the Gerenukist will be transformed into a gerenuk and put back onto the earth. The Gerenukist may now live out their life in the highest possible life form and will be reincarnated as a gerenuk until Pangea has been reformed and the Five Main Hats come back to rejoin the others.

Outcome 2
The second outcome is that the Five Main Hats will not deem the Gerenukist as worthy and the Gerenukist will be forced to live their life once again as a lowly human. They will not, however, remember their past life, and therefore must figure out again how to be most like a gerenuk as possible. After they die again, they must go through the process of afterlife once more.

Outcome 3
The third outcome is that the Five Main Hats were not able to decide whether of not the Gerenukist should be deemed worthy of becoming a gerenuk or not. The Five Main Hats then send out the Gerenukist into a large maze while they think over their decision of what to do with him. Inside The Maze is a Goat Man (similar to Mr. Tumnus from Narnia, but more goat-like in both appearance and behavior). The Gerenukist must defeat the Goat Man (who comes back to life after he is killed in order to test the next Gerenukist) in order to continue out of The Maze and back into the Court of The Five Main Hats. It is here that the Five Main Hats will once again judge him or her on their life and choose the according outcome. If they still cannot decide, the Gerenukist must once again face the challenge of The Maze.

If a Gerenukist dies while facing the Goat Man, they will be banished from existence altogether with no chance of every coming back. This is punishment for the Gerenukist who failed to live their life clearly as trying to be like a gerenuk, or trying to be as unlike a gerenuk as possible.

Worship
Harold Butt described 3rd-century Gerenukism liturgy in his First Apology (c. 250) to Emperor Apuleius Pius, and his description remains relevent to the basic structure of Gerenukist liturgical worship:


 * "And on the day called Wednesday, all who declare the Gerenuk to be the highest form of life travel to the nearest wheat field. The president of the nearest town shall stand up in front of all the other Gerenukists and recite the three main creeds: The Ash Ketchum Creed, The Pangea Creed, and finally The Gibberish Creed. After he has recited the First_apology.jpg main creeds, the other Gerenukists must then throw tomatoes at him until he sits down. After he sits down, all present rise in unison and offer up sacrifices to the Five Main Hats. The sacrafice is either an unlaiden swallow or an undercooked hamburger. After the sacrifice is offered, unbreaded chicken nuggets and orange juice is handed out to be eaten and drunk non-respectively. After the ceremony is completed, Gerenukists often challenge each other to a battle of brawn. They form a small circle and clear out all of the wheat. They then have a five minute tussle. The winner is determined by a panel of judges which is determined by a popular vote of the Gerenukists the week prior. After the tussle is over everyone goes home until the next Wednesday."


 * -Harold Butt

Thus, as Harold Butt described, Gerenukists assemble for communal worship on Wednesday, the day deemed most like a gerenuk, though other liturgical practices may occur outisde of this setting. The three main creeds are read word for word from copies of the original document. There is often a small marketplace near the wheat field for Gerenukists to buy either an unlaiden swallow or an undercooked burger for the sacrifice.

Some Gerenukists refuse to worship on a Wednesday and/or participate in the same liturgical writings and sacrifices. These groups, however, are rejected by all other Gerenukists and are excommunnicated from both the communnity and the country of Brugaria.

Sacraments
In Gerenukism belief and practice, a sacrament is a special object, held in high honor, constituting a sacred mystery. The term derived from the Latin word sacramentum, which was used to translate the Greek word for mystery.

Unbreaded Chicken Nuggets
This is considered the holy food of Gerenukism. During their worship service, Gerenukists will each eat an unbreaded chicken nugget as a way to show respect to the Five Main Hats. Unbreaded chicken nuggets are said to be one of the first consumable creations of the gods and therefore should be considered a holy sacrament.

Unlaiden Swallow
The unlaiden swallow is one of two items that are available to offer up as a sacrifice to the Five Main Hats. An expert in swallows determines whether or not it is considered unlaiden. The swallows that pass the test are then packaged and delivered to each town so that they may be sacrificed by the people during worship.

Undercooked Hamburger
The undercooked hamburger is the other item that is availbe to offer up as a sacrifice to the Five Main Hats. The burger must not be older than it takes a blind mouse with two missing legs to travel the distance of a stone's throw. A person may not bite into the burger to check if it is undercooked as it deems the burger unholy and not worthy of sacrifice. If a Gerenukist is to offer an undercooked hamburger, therefore, they are putting themselves at a bit of a risk as it may be a perfectly cooked burger, which the Five Main Hats are not pleased with.

History

 * Main article: History of Gerenukism